boyutpedia Chapter 48: I feel guilty, but not too guilty.
Chapter 48: I feel guilty, but not too guilty.
He didn't understand the meaning of "hitting a brick wall" before.
Now he probably understands that feeling.
It's like when he sneezed in the morning, he stubbornly thought it was nothing.
Then he started having a runny nose, but he remained stubborn, thinking that a runny nose just meant his nose was uncomfortable.
He took a sip of water, and his razor-sharp throat appeared, hurting terribly...
Maybe it's because I haven't drunk water for too long that it's like this?
It's okay, keep being stubborn.
It wasn't until he lit a cigarette and found it had no flavor that he finally realized, "Oh no, am I going to die?"
In the end, all I could do was obediently take my medicine and admit that I was sick.
……
Go back to the car.
Jiang Yu opened the trunk and took out the bags of strawberries.
"Sister Wei, Sister Guang, why don't you take some strawberries home and eat them?"
He opened the bag and picked out two of the reddest-looking bags, handing them over.
"Anyway, I can't eat that much by myself, it would be a shame to let it go bad."
"Then we won't stand on ceremony!"
"Let's eat together!"
On the way back, the three of them chatted and ate strawberries, just like on a weekend road trip.
Jiang Yu drove the car, with Lin Wei and Nagi sitting in the back.
A mountain breeze blows, carrying the scent of soil and grass from the fields.
The speakers were playing a song by someone I didn't know; the melody was upbeat and suited the current atmosphere perfectly.
The three chatted casually, mostly about things outside of work.
Jiang Yu was in a great mood.
He had never been happier than he was today.
……
After all that trouble, by the time the three of them got back to their workplace, it was already time to leave work.
After clocking in, he rode his electric bike straight to No. 11 Middle School.
Jiang Ning will be getting out of school soon.
Although he still had no memory of this younger sister.
But he knew that this younger sister was real.
He cannot neglect his sister just because he is sick.
What did my sister do wrong?
Put yourself in her shoes; your own sister is pitiful enough.
He recalled the stories he'd seen online about families with Alzheimer's patients, how truly tormenting it was for their children.
Seeing your loved ones wake up every day, behaving incoherently and acting crazy, is truly devastating.
He now suffers from Alzheimer's disease, and his sister is like his child.
According to his memory, he and his sister had a very deep relationship.
The two grew up together. Although they are not blood-related siblings, their bond and companionship have surpassed that of blood.
Then one morning, he had absolutely no memory of his sister.
Thinking about these things…
Jiang Yu felt a faint sense of guilt.
It's strange, really...
Actually, even before what happened today, he wasn't that averse to Jiang Ning this morning.
It seems to have started yesterday when I picked her up from school.
I saw Jiang Ning squatting at the school gate, crying her eyes out...
He actually felt a little uneasy.
But he didn't think about it carefully at the time.
Looking back now...
That feeling of unease was probably guilt.
He just didn't know whether he felt guilty as an older brother or as a stranger.
Or…
Is my condition improving?
It's like not admitting you have a cold, but after smoking a cigarette and finding it tasteless, you finally agree to "take medicine."
I have a mental illness.
In other words, after facing your illness head-on, your condition has improved, right?
……
When Jiang Yu arrived at the gate of No. 11 Middle School, there were still more than ten minutes before school ended.
He parked his electric car in the same spot as yesterday.
Yesterday wasn't really a formal day to pick Jiang Ning up from school.
Today is the only day.
He had never picked anyone up from school before.
He only ever blocked other people from leaving school.
However, both felt the same way: anxiously waiting, afraid of missing out.
An elderly man in the guardhouse was drinking tea from a transparent thermos.
Jiang Yu took out his phone, found the number Jiang Ning had called him last night, and dialed it.
A few seconds later, the old man's phone in the guardhouse rang loudly, and could be heard from a great distance.
"Wow, I glared at you before..."
The old man was startled and hurriedly pulled out his phone to answer the call.
Jiang Yu hung up the phone.
It seems that Jiang Ning used his phone to call him last night.
The sound of reading aloud could be faintly heard coming from the teaching building in the distance.
The tone was drawn out, as if he were reciting some ancient text.
A group of parents gathered at the school gate, waiting to pick up their children.
There were middle-aged women in floral dresses, elderly people pulling shopping carts, and middle-aged men sitting in their cars watching low-brow short dramas...
At this moment, Jiang Yu was somewhat dazed.
In just two days, his life seemed to have been fast-forwarded.
He gained a younger sister, found a job, experienced the collapse and reconstruction of his worldview, and finally accepted the fact that he was sick.
Then today, he sat on his electric scooter, waiting to pick up his child from school like any other parent.
However, he didn't fit in with this group of people.
He's only twenty-two years old, and he looks somewhat out of place among this group of parents.
Perhaps it doesn't feel out of place.
Although Jiang Yu himself felt very strange.
But from the parents' perspective, it's not surprising that Jiang Yu waits for Jiang Ning to get out of school here every night.
Several parents smiled and nodded at Jiang Yu as he looked them over, as if they were greeting him.
But Jiang Yu had absolutely no recollection of them.
Just like he was unfamiliar with the chat history in those suddenly appearing WeChat groups.
Jiang Yu took out his phone and began to carefully review the chat history.
He wanted to know what kind of person he truly was as a "normal" person.
Based on the chat logs and the impressions people around him have of him over the past two days…
Jiang Yu roughly understood his personality when he was "normal".
Upright, loving, kind, and doting on his younger sister... he's probably the kind of good child that elders would consider.
This is completely different from how he was when he "had an attack".
Jiang Yu knew his own character very well.
Rebellious to the core, never engages in internal strife, an egoist, believes life is not worth living, and thinks everyone here is just lucky fools.
The guiding principle in life is: "I scold you because you're sick, otherwise why would I scold you? You scold me because you're sick, otherwise why would you scold me?"
Moreover, Jiang Yu dislikes old people and Teddy bears.
He's the kind of netizen who criticizes Ford and Harden the most fiercely.
He takes strong action against any behavior that involves elderly people using moral blackmail or taking advantage of their age on public buses.
If a sanctimonious person were to argue, "Everyone gets old eventually," he would retort, "I won't be like that when I'm old."
Every time he sees a dog being walked on the street without a leash, especially if the owner is a barking Teddy, he wishes a large truck would appear and give them a ride.
Judging from the photos on his phone, "he" doesn't seem to dislike the Teddy dog breed.
After realizing the stark contrast between his "normal" self and his own, Jiang Yu chuckled self-deprecatingly.
"If I still have this memory of going crazy after I recover, I'll probably be just as speechless as I am now."
Just like how villains never think of themselves as villains.
Forget it, there's no point in worrying about this.
Maybe after I recover, I won't remember any of these things?
Just like he has no memory of his "normal" self now.
Thinking about those things is a complete waste of time.
Anyway, he's figured it out.
He is sick.
If you're sick, you can continue to curse those stupid old guys online and keep wasting other people's time.
But he cannot harm his sister.
Jiang Yu was clear about this.
So, the thought of him treating Jiang Ning like a stranger and a burden these past two days... and even considering listing his sister on Xianyu (a second-hand marketplace app) makes me very sad.
He felt guilty... but not too guilty.
That's normal; he and Jiang Ning have no emotional foundation at the moment.
What's past is past.
From now on, he will be a good "older brother".
Regardless of whether he has any memories of the past, and regardless of whether he has any idea how to be an older brother...
But he will try his best to be a "normal" person.
At least until things return to "normal," he will no longer have the thought of sending his sister away.
After all, in the eyes of a 12-year-old child, he is the other person's only family.