boyutpedia Chapter 31 We're here to take people, not to join our franchise!
Chapter 31 We're here to take people, not to join our franchise!
Chu Jiang, his feet firmly planted on the humid, hot soil of southern Xinjiang, didn't even bother to glance at the trembling City God kneeling on the ground. He raised his chin, grinned at the fanatical black-robed priest in the center of the magic circle. "A blood sacrifice, to boost performance?" He shook the golden merit Gatling gun on his shoulder. "Did you even ask me, the biggest supplier to the Underworld?"
The black-robed priest looked at the ghost army descending from the sky, then at the thing on Chu Jiang's shoulder, his eyes filled with madness. "Mere ghosts, how dare you trespass on the rituals of the living in the mortal realm! The gods will grant me power to completely purify you!" He raised his staff, made of countless skulls, and the entire blood-red array emitted a buzzing roar, the even denser blood energy transforming into venomous snakes that pounced on the ghost army.
"Li, programmer, play some background music for them," Chu Jiang ordered without turning his head. "What kind, boss?" Li, the programmer, asked expressionlessly as he operated his tablet. "That one... 'The Great Compassion Mantra,' the DJ version."
After Chu Jiang finished speaking, he pulled the trigger. The six barrels of the Gatling gun spun, not firing bullets, but instead shooting out a soft yet blinding golden rain of light. "Light of Peace - Equality of All Beings Mode" was activated again.
Wherever the golden light touched, the blood-red venomous snakes evaporated instantly, like ice meeting a hot iron. The fanaticism and ferocity on the faces of the blood worshippers, enveloped in the rain of light, froze for a moment, then slowly melted away. They laid down their weapons, sat cross-legged, clasped their hands together, and chanted incantations. "Namo, Ratna Trayaya…" In the valley, the bizarre blood sacrifice ritual transformed into a grand open-air chanting ceremony. The scene was remarkably "peaceful" for a time.
The black-robed priest was stunned. He stared at his followers, who one moment had been offering themselves to God, and the next had collectively "converted." His worldview was utterly shattered. "No! This isn't real! My divine power! My blood sacrifice!"
Chu Jiang walked up to him and gently tapped his forehead with the muzzle of a Gatling gun. "Your god? Did he pay taxes? Is he registered in the underworld? No, that's no, so it's an illegal organization." He turned to the still trembling City God Li Chunfeng on the ground and said, "You, the person in charge of the Southern Xinjiang region, are you?"
"Yes, yes, yes, I, Li Chunfeng, deserve to die!" The old City God kowtowed repeatedly.
"Go back and deduct 500 points of Yin Virtue Credit from each of you and your team. Write a 30,000-word self-criticism report and submit it to my office within three days." Chu An paused. "This blood sacrifice array is considered as damaging the public environment and causing the loss of souls. The deduction will be taken from your department's year-end bonus."
"Huh?" Li Chunfeng looked up abruptly, his face looking worse than if he were dead.
"What? You're not convinced?" Chu Jiang glanced at him. "I'm convinced! This little god is convinced!" Li Chunfeng quickly buried his head even deeper.
Chu Jiang put away the Gatling gun and waved to the spirited ghost army behind him. "Fall back! Go back to the company to collect your overtime pay and midnight snack!" "Awooo!" Tens of thousands of ghosts cheered in unison, following Chu Jiang back to the spatial rift in a grand procession.
The Three Crossings Ferry. The Heavenly Vanguard Officer was still frozen in place. He had witnessed Chu Jiang lead his troops away, and then watched him return with his army less than half an hour later, as if he had only gone out to the supermarket next door to buy some groceries.
"Done." Chu Jiang passed by him, patted his golden armor, and said, "See? Efficiency. Come to our Underworld more often to learn advanced corporate management techniques. Don't just stand guard at the South Heavenly Gate all day; it's a dead-end job." With that, he whistled and headed towards his cave. The vanguard's face turned pale, then red, his hand gripping the spear trembling slightly. He felt his entire worldview, along with the majesty of Heaven, being repeatedly rubbed into the ground by this ghost general.
Just as the ferry crossing had returned to normal order with its queueing and number calling system, suddenly, a black vortex appeared out of thin air in the void across the river. Elegant yet eerie symphony emanated from the vortex, and then, three magnificent black and gold carriages, pulled by skeletal nightmare beasts, slowly drove out.
The carriage came to a stop, the door opened, and five vampires dressed in medieval noble attire stepped out. They were pale, arrogant, and each exuded an aura far surpassing that of Count Bruch. The leader, with his meticulously combed hair, scanned the entire ferry crossing with his scarlet eyes, finally fixing his gaze on Bruch, who was directing traffic. "Bruch, my distant relative, we've been searching for you for so long," he said, his voice carrying a haughty, lament.
Bruch's expression changed upon seeing them, but he quickly straightened his back and gave a standard butler's bow. "Duke Dracula, and esteemed dukes, good afternoon. May I ask if you have downloaded the 'Three Paths Fast Crossing' app and made a reservation? Entering without a reservation will result in a deduction of your credit points."
The dukes clearly didn't understand. Duke Degula frowned: "Bruch, what nonsense are you spouting? We're here to take you home! These lowly Eastern undead dare to illegally detain a vampire count; this is a provocation against our entire Dark Council!"
"Excuse me for interrupting." Chu Jiang walked out of the cave, holding a cup of Meng Po co-branded "Forget-the-River Latte." "Who said we illegally detained him? Bruch is an outstanding employee of our company, with full social insurance and housing fund benefits, and enjoys river view housing. He stayed voluntarily."
Duke Dracula looked at Chu Jiang, his eyes icy: "You're the boss here? Immediately release Count Bruch and compensate us with the blood of a thousand virgins as compensation for our emotional distress, or the wrath of hell will..."
"Bruch," Chu Jiang interrupted him, taking a sip of his latte, "show your fellow villagers your new gear." "Yes, boss!" Bruch replied proudly. He first pulled out a shimmering jade slip from his pocket, on which were engraved three large characters—"Security Certificate"—and below that, a line of smaller characters—"Security."
Several dukes' eyes twitched. Then, Bruch opened his mouth, revealing his fangs. Those two sharp teeth were no longer a stark white, but instead radiated a soft, pure…golden holy light. "Look, my lords!" Bruch proudly displayed, "This is a positive mutation brought about by the Boss's reward of the Holy Water of Merit! I now feel full of positive energy! Every day I want to contribute to building a harmonious Underworld!"
"Pfft—" A young vampire duke couldn't hold back and spat out a mouthful of blood.
Duke Dracula staggered back two steps, pointing at Bruch's "Holy Light Fang" as if he had seen a ghost. "Holy...Holy Light? From a vampire's mouth? This is blasphemy! This is the most vicious curse!" He was going crazy. Transforming a noble vampire into a security guard full of positive energy was more insulting than killing him outright.
"Don't get excited, this is called purification therapy, a unique employee benefit of our company." Chu Jiang stepped forward and said to Dracula with a sincere expression, "I see that the dukes also have a lot of evil energy in their bodies. Why don't you come and work here? I'll give you a treatment card with a 20% discount."
Dracula felt his brain wasn't working properly.
"I think it's like this," Chu Jiang pressed on, "Let's make an 'extradition rights swap agreement.' From now on, if you have any disobedient troublemakers or unruly demons in your Western hell, send them here to me. I'll be responsible for their behavioral correction and ideological reform, guaranteeing that you'll return to yourselves outstanding young people who uphold the Five Stresses, Four Beauties, and Three Loves. In return, you should open up your market and let our 'Three Crossings Fast Crossing' international version join us."
At the opportune moment, the programmer handed over a tablet, which was playing a promotional video for the app. The rousing music, coupled with the slogan "Globalization of the Underworld and the Netherworld, East-West Cooperation to Create Myths," made it seem particularly mesmerizing.
Duke Dracula, staring at the "one-click ordering, cross-border delivery" feature in the promotional video, then at Bruch's gleaming holy fangs, finally snapped. "Enough!" he cried, clutching his head in anguish. "We're here to demand people! We're here for a diplomatic protest! Not to listen to you peddle some app, and certainly not to franchise with us!"
"Protest denied." Chu Jiang's smile vanished. "Here, there are only two identities: customer and employee. Since you don't want to be customers, then you can only be raw materials."
Beside Dracula, the hot-blooded young duke could no longer contain himself. "Arrogant Easterner! I'll tear your mouth apart!" He transformed into a black shadow, accompanied by a piercing sonic boom, and lunged straight at Chu Jiang's face.
Chu Jiang sighed and slowly pulled out the familiar black baseball bat from behind his back. "Sigh, why do some customers always seem to skip the process and jump straight to the complaint stage?"